Can I just say that I am a firm believer that the good Lord gave us CERTAIN body parts that he designed to only come in contact with CERTAIN things?
For example, I believe that he never intended for women to actually come in contact with gray hair. Except for the 3% of women that can glamorously sport that color. I am definitely not in the 3%. Gray hair should never come in contact with my scalp. Sooo, being the wise man that he is, God created the person that would bless us with the wonderful world of hair color. Mix the color, apply it to hair, it comes in contact with your gray and TADA… gray hair is banished. Works beautifully.
Clairol had it right when they launched their hair color campaign with that jazzy little tune in 1980…
“I’m gonna wash that gray right out of my hair” (in a singing voice). Yes indeed, they hit the nail right on the head with that one 🙂 Clairol, you had me at wash (insert heart emoji).
Another example of God’s creations in the form of a body part, OUR BUM. I’m pretty sure that after contemplating things, God decided our bum was best suited for toilet paper and a much needed swat in our younger years. Nothing else needed to come in contact with our backside….or so I thought.
Cowboy and I were living a life of married bliss in our 14×60 mobile home. Hey, we all have to start somewhere people. We had a lot of good times and great memories that happened in that little prefabricated box.
We had just finished a weekend of binge watching old westerns starring John Wayne and Clint Eastwood. What can I say? He caught me at a weak moment (for the ten thousandth time)… sweet Jesus. How many times can a person watch the same movie?! It was late so we decided to call it a night. I went to clean the kitchen and Cowboy headed for the shower.
As per our normal schedule, he got into bed first. Which, by the way, he starts out in the middle of the bed…drives me bat poop crazy! He makes it nearly impossible for me to roll over and steal the covers.
Anyhoo, I crawl into bed and just as I’m drifting off to sleep, I feel something crawl up my leg. I lazily shift the covers and roll over on my side thinking nothing of it. All of a sudden I have this horrible stinging sensation on my left butt cheek!
ME: SCORPION!! Omg, Omg it stung me!!
I fling the covers to the left of me. Which may have accidentally thrown the scorpion in Cowboy’s direction. Totally not my fault.
COWBOY: Tammy, calm down and let me find it.
ME: What do you mean “calm down”? I just had a scorpion sting me on my butt! This is not a “calm down” situation.
COWBOY: (chuckling) It’s just a scorpion. Not a big deal.
ME: Excuse me “Mister Not A Big Deal”. Did you get stung on your bum?? No I don’t think so! That was me. I got stung on my bum and now my mouth is numb. Thank you very much!
Yes, I am one of the few that is allergic to scorpions. Which makes me question every thing about this country living that I agreed to. One would think that if your mouth is numb you wouldn’t talk as much… nope…I talk just fine.
COWBOY: Well, don’t get stung anymore and your mouth won’t go numb.
ME: (mimicking him) Don’t get stung by a scorpion Tammy and your mouth won’t go numb…blah blah blah!
I snatch my pillow and head to the living room…
ME: (looking over my shoulder at Cowboy as I’m walking out of the bedroom) And by the way, it’s crawling on your shoulder.
DISCLAIMER: Cowboy was only stung once on his shoulder, okay that’s a fib.. he was stung twice (still not my fault). And, the scorpion WAS harmed in this story. To be exact, it died a quick death…twice.
‘𝓽𝓲𝓵 𝓷𝓮𝔁𝓽 𝓢𝓾𝓷𝓭𝓪𝔂 𝔂’𝓪𝓵𝓵- 𝔁𝓸, 𝓣𝓪𝓶𝓶𝔂