I’m gonna start this story off by saying “DON’T JUDGE ME”. We all do things, try things and experiment with things in our lives…okay? Let’s be real…it’s human nature to be curious…right?
I’m also gonna tell you that I never “experimented” in my youth like others did. Okay, that’s a lie. I have (on occasion) experimented with my hair. But that never ended well… so I stopped.
I know it’s hard to believe but I have never tried a joint, I have never smoked a cigarette and I (to this day) have never been drunk. Why you ask?
Simply put… there is always a party going on in my head and I do not need help in laughing at myself or living my best life. And no judgement towards others that have. Especially if I can find the laughter in those that do experiment. Heehee.
Anyhoo, enough about that..
You probably don’t know this about me but I am a big chicken when it comes to staying at 4G overnight without my Cowboy. He swears that I’m safer out in the middle of “podunk country” than I would be in town and I promise you that I’ve tried….and tried…and tried. But I have come to realize that I can “try” for the rest of my life but I will continue to be a big-fat-scaredy cat. It is what it is and I have come to terms with it.
Stick with me because this is where it gets wacky-
Our Sweet Girl has always been a “fixer of your problem” kind of gal. She observes a problem, puts on her “fixer cape” and immediately jumps into action. She gets this from both of her amazing parents. Okay thats a lie. I’m the amazing parent but she gets her fixer capabilities from Cowboy.
Sooo this past December she celebrated her birthday in San Diego and decided to bring me home “a fix” for my scaredy cat issues.
SWEET GIRL: Mom, I brought you something to try that should help you sleep. But only take half of one okay? A whole one is for someone the size of daddy.
ME: What is it and does it taste like M&M’s?
SWEET GIRL: No mom, it doesn’t. It’s a grape flavored gummy. I think it will help you sleep when daddy goes hunting.
ME: Okay but will it make me fat?
SWEET GIRL: (Sighing) Not any fatter than your precious M&M’s.
ME: Watch your mouth little girl. And, never ever say mean things about those chocolate morsels of yumminess. They keep me sane and they also keep me from chopping up your father and spreading his body parts all over Texas when he gets on my last nerve.
SWEET GIRL: Oh Lord help us.
Fast forward to the following week-
Cowboy leaves to go hunting for the week.
One night I come home from work and it’s dark outside already. I hop out of my car and run into the house before the boogie man can grab me.
I eat dinner, shower and then settle in to binge watch a Netflix series since I know I won’t be getting much sleep.
And then it happens. Just like it always does when Cowboy is gone overnight… I begin to hear things. Things that go bump in the night. Things that I just know will come inside thru the doggie door and get me. And then I remember ….
I hop off of the couch and head to my bathroom to find what Sweet Girl gave me to sleep. I don’t bother reading the package since she has already instructed me to have only one gummy. I pop one in my mouth. It tastes just like a grape sour patch but it’s not sour. Lol.
I head back in to the living room to watch my show.
I’m laying on the couch when thirty minutes later I swear on my cheetah print shoes that the entire living room starts to move and I see butterflies. Lots and lots of butterflies. Beautiful butterflies in all different colors. I have never in my life felt anything like this! I channel my inner Woodstock “60’s vibes” and just went with it.
Thirty minutes later I was in a state of zen and decided to have a snack and go to bed.
The next morning I glance at the clock and realize that I slept all night. All night! By myself. Those gummies that Sweet Girl gave me are miracle gummies. I hopped out of bed and headed for the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea.
Sweet Jesus… my kitchen was a mess! There was popcorn and M&M’s on the floor, cookies in the sink (I didn’t even know we had cookies) and the refrigerator door was open. WTH?! It looked like I hosted a dozen teenage girls for a sleepover. What in the world happened?
I quickly call Sweet Girl-
ME: What kind of wacky tobacky did you give me? Apparently I binged on sugar and didn’t even know I had done it. I can’t believe you gave me those gummies. They are the sugar-stealing devil!
SWEET GIRL: Mom, what are you talking about? There is no way a half of a gummy would make you do that.
ME: A half?
SWEET GIRL: Wait, you did only eat half of one, right?
SWEET GIRL: Mom, how much did you take?
SWEET GIRL: A whole one or a half of one? I told you to only take a half because a whole one is too strong.
ME: Well…. that explains it.
SWEET GIRL: (Sighing) I can’t with you right now. You never listen. Did you at least read the directions for use?
ME: Umm… no.
SWEET GIRL: Good lord Mom. I’m hanging up.
’til next Sunday y’all.