Sweet Jesus! I had forgotten how much poop can come out of such a sweet baby. And, let me tell ya, it’s been a hot minute since Cowboy and I had a little one in a bathtub. But desperate times call for desperate measures.
ME: (Calling Cowboy and not being dramatic) Can you come up from the barn and help me please? We’ve had an explosion.
COWBOY: (Chuckling) What happened?
ME: He has pooped all over himself, me, the floor and the chair. I need another set of hands up here.
COWBOY: I’m on my way.
Cowboy walks thru the door and comes to a dead stop.
COWBOY: All of that came out of that little guy?
ME: Yes, and there’s more in the other room. The kids are on their way to pick this sweet boy up. We need to bathe him before they get here so they think we know what we’re doing.
I have one question…when did the buttons and zippers on babies clothes become so small? And when did maneuvering the tiny arms and legs that wear them become so difficult?
ME: (Handing our poopy baby to Cowboy) Okay, you hold him and I’ll grab the stuff.
COWBOY: Whoa, wait a minute. Why don’t YOU hold him and I’ll get the stuff?
ME: Do you know what the “stuff” is and where to get it?
COWBOY: Good point. But make it quick before he explodes again OR pees on me.
I gather everything and run back to the kitchen.
ME: I think I have everything that we need. I’ll run the water and you set him in it.
We washed, dried and lotioned him up. That sweet punkin head smiled and cooed the whole time.
Fifteens minutes later, our sweet boy is clean and dressed.
ME: Look at us, we did it! We’re old pros at this.
COWBOY: I’ll take him outside while you clean yourself up and everything else.
Thirty seconds later, Cowboy walks back thru the door with Sweet Boy.
COWBOY: Coco? We have a problem.
ME: What’s wrong?
COWBOY: He still has poop in his hair.
ME: Sweet Jesus! The kids are almost here! Strip him and I’ll run more water.
Ten minutes later our sweet punkin is clean and dressed again.
ME: (Speaking to Cowboy) Don’t you dare say one word about this. They’ll never let us watch him again.
COWBOY: (Chuckling) Alright.
Boy Wonder (our son) and Red (our beautiful daughter-in-law) drives thru our gate.
RED: How was he today? Did you have any problems with him?
ME: (Quick to answer) Not at all. Everything was great!
A couple of hours later, they pack up and head home.
ME: Do you think they believed us?
COWBOY: I think they would have if you didn’t have poop in your hair.
ME: For the love of God, Jesus and bananas! Could you have told me BEFORE they got here?
COWBOY: Nope. This was way more fun.
ME: I swear… I’m gonna punch you in your throat!
’til next time y’all.