Y’all I have a problem…
Cowboy’s snoring.
It’s about to get on my last nerve. So I got to thinking the other day about this situation. What makes some of us guilty of it and others not? Most physicians will say it’s the result of not getting enough oxygen while you’re sleeping? But could there be other factors?
Maybe you’ve eaten a serious helping of your favorite Moo-linium crunch ice-cream before you laid your head down. Or, could it be because that can of Wolf brand chili was calling your name? Another thought is that you simply rolled from your frontside to your backside during the night.
Cowboy is a snorer. A SERIOUS snorer. I’m talking covers-blowing, dog-howling snorer. I’m so glad I’m not guilty of that.
Sophie (my diva dog) and I have been battling this issue for years. I swear that dog rolls her eyes at me when he starts his chorus.
So… I decided to have a snoring intervention with him.
ME: Listen dude, I don’t mean to mind your business, but we are going to have to do something about your snoring.
COWBOY: (chuckling) I’m not the only one in this house that snores.
ME: Sophie doesn’t snore. And I know that I don’t. That would be so embarrassing.
COWBOY: I never complain to you about your snoring. I just think that you’re sleeping really good.
ME: I appreciate that, but I don’t snore.
COWBOY: Yes you do.
ME: I’m gonna need some hard evidence to convince me that I snore. Because I’m pretty sure I don’t.
The next week, we invite the family over for “roast Sunday”. My pork roast is the perfect recipe for Sundays and I’m pretty sure that the Man Above appreciates the fact that I save my best recipe for “his day”. I will have it “in hand” when I walk up to those pearly gates.
I’ll be a shoo in for sure. Pop always says that there is no better roast than a pork roast. I think what he means to say is that there is no better roast than my roast. Sorry mother-in-law. It was bound to come out sooner than laterπ.
COWBOY: (talking to everyone at the table) Tammy and I got to talking about how she snores.
ME: Umm… excuse me but I do not snore. I think you are mistaken.
RED (My beautiful dil): Umm… excuse me but I’ve witnessed your snoring. I’ll have to agree with my father-in-law on this subject. You snore like an 80 year old man.
ME: Like I mentioned to your father-in-law, I’m gonna need some hard evidence before I believe that I snore.
COWBOY: (Talking to everyone at the table) Who all has witnessed Tammy snoring? Raise your hand. This is an intervention, don’t be shy.
As I looked around the table, everyone had not only raised both of their hands but some had thrown a leg or two in there.
ME: (Speaking to all of them) I snore? Is it at least lady like?
Everyone shook their heads no in unison.
Sweet Jesus, I’m gonna need to rethink things. I’ve always envisioned myself resembling those actresses that look perfect while they’re sleeping. Hair is perfect, makeup is perfect. Even their pillow is perfect.
COWBOY: While we’re on the subject…you slobber too.
Oh my Lord.
’til next Sunday y’all. Tammy π
