Every. Single. Time.
You all know that there is no love loss between me and the “traveling” Cowboy. And I promise I’m not being dramatic (like I usually am). When I say it’s a disaster traveling with him, I promise it is. Just ask our kids. They’ll quickly jump to my side on this one. At one point Boy wonder asked me why I keep inviting him. I told him that it’s important for his dad to cross the cattle guard and experience life. And besides, he needs to be in the family trip photos. Boy Wonder said for me to photoshop him in and spare them all. I’ve pondered that but decided I need him on our trips so he can carry my luggage and shopping bags. Heehee.
Anyhoo, back to the story-
As I mentioned, there is always a mishap when he’s invited on a trip. Let’s not mistake the “traveling” Cowboy with the Cowboy that I get on 4G. Two totally different dudes. But, I have resigned myself to the fact that if I want one, I have to accept the other. Lord help me. Luckily for him, both of my cowboys look good in their wranglers. (Insert heart emoji here).
It doesn’t matter if we travel by plane, train or automobile. Something is going to happen. Sometimes I wonder if the “traveling Gods” are up there drinking a beer and laughing as they watch us travel together.
Let me set the scene for ya-
We’re at the Austin airport in the TSA line. I start removing my jacket, shoes etc and wait my turn to go thru the x-ray machine. I have a question about this process… why do travelers go thru it barefoot? Do they not know that there are thousands of travelers that do the same and they’re walking thru other peoples foot sweat, fungal issues and a host of other cooties? G.R.O.S.S.
Anyhoo, back to the story.
I whiz right thru security and begin to put myself back together. I look over my shoulder to check on Cowboy and I notice that they have pulled him aside after he had gone thru the x-ray machine. I casually walk over to the TSA agents who are speaking to Cowboy.
TSA AGENT #1: Sir, I’m going to need you to step aside for a full body search.
COWBOY: You need to do what?
TSA AGENT #2: We need to search your groin and buttock areas. Something showed up on the x-ray machine.
COWBOY: Say that one more time.
TSA AGENT #3: The x-ray machine showed a foreign object in your groin area and the buttock region. Would you like us to escort you into a private room for the search or can we do it out here?
COWBOY: (Pulling his Wranglers higher and puffing his chest out) Nope. You can search me out here. That way EVERYONE knows I have a lethal weapon in my groin area.
ME: (Speaking to Cowboy) Can you lower your voice? People are starting to stare. And, I thought you didn’t bring your knife with you?
COWBOY: I didn’t. Apparently I have a lethal weapon in my groin area.
ME: (Rubbing my temples) They did not say anything about a lethal weapon in your groin area.
COWBOY: I’m pretty sure they did.
ME: You’re feeling pretty macho right about now aren’t ya?
TSA AGENT #1: Sir, please step this way. We’ll begin the search know.
COWBOY: (Speaking to the agents and pointing to me) That’s my wife. Ask her about my lethal weapon in my groin area.
ME: (Shaking my head and speaking to Cowboy) You’re going to tell everyone about this, aren’t ya?
COWBOY: Yep. And I’m starting with Boy Wonder. He needs to know that he comes from good stock.
ME: Besides the fact that you think you have a lethal weapon in your groin area, I know exactly what’s in your buttock region because you’re full of it!
COWBOY: Can we talk more about my lethal weapon?
ME: For the love of God, Jesus and bananas, here we go again.