For those of you that know Cowboy, you know that he is very, VERY tight with money. So much so that if he thought it would save us a dollar, he would unscrew the lightbulb in the refrigerator. At times he even tries to have a tight grip on what’s in my wallet! Umm, that ain’t happening! Not now and not ever! Lol.
So let’s talk about hot flashes. All of you ladies out there know where I’m going with this. And for you men, you don’t have a clue… bless your heart.
When my body decided to begin it’s adventure towards “the change” it skipped right over the “PRE” part and went full force thru the gates of menopausal hell. I’m not kidding! Who’s idea was this anyway? Was it really necessary for us women to feel as if someone stuck a welding rod up our backside?! Did we not do our part as women by giving birth to our beautiful babies even though it felt as if a tree stump was coming out of our bodies? Ok, maybe I’m the only one that dealt with the whole tree stump thing. Sweet Jesus, give me a break! And by the way, which one of you MALE doctors named it hot flash?
The last time I googled “flashes” the definition read: of a light or something that reflects light and brief or sudden. I can assure you of two things: I’ve never seen a light AND it has never been brief!
So now that we’ve straightened out that big misconception, let’s continue with this story of hot flashes and my tightwad for a husband.
When my body gets consumed by a hot flash, my first line of defense is to run over to the air conditioner and lower the temperature on that puppy by about 20 degrees. Then, I strategically position myself under the best air vents in the house. I know, smart right? This could happen in the summer or the winter. My body does not discriminate as to which season we are in. Hot is hot!
My internal temperature gauge is the source of many discussions at 4G. I like to be comfortable in my own home. And if that means I put the air conditioner on 68 in the dead of winter, then so be it. Is that asking for too much? I don’t think so.
Cowboy, however likes to pinch pennies and save a buck wherever he can. He thinks by regulating the thermostat we’ll save $20 a month. Ok, good for him. He comes in from outside and immediately checks the thermostat. Why? Why does he do that? He’s just going to get upset and feel the need to preach to me. And why does he need to put his nose in my business? He has no idea what a hot flash feels like. He actually asked me one time if I was “flashin” again. Excuse me what? What the heck is “FLASHIN”?
Just between you and I, it took all of the strength this pretend cowgirl had to NOT throw my cheetah print brush at his head! HIS body’s internal temperature gauge is always perfect…just like his wranglers. Boy howdy, he did look good in those wranglers this morning too.
COWBOY: Tammy, why do you have the A/C running when it’s 65 degrees outside?
Ok, I don’t know what comes over me when he asks me such a ridiculous question but my head starts spinning like Linda Blair in THE EXORCIST.
ME: Because my body says it’s 150 degrees inside. Do you have a problem with that?!
COWBOY: (looking at me as if he’s unsure of what I’ll throw at him next) Nope. No problem here.
Seriously folks it’s the same conversation EVERY SINGLE DAY! He is one of the smartest men I know so he cannot be this slow on the uptake.
Every night I dress in the least amount of clothing possible and every night Cowboy wears sweatpants, a thermal long sleeve shirt and his UGG filled moccasins. Even Sophie, our inside dog is hunting for a blanket to hide under until the freeze is over. They need to get with the program.
COWBOY: Tammy, it’s freezing in here! My nose is dripping icicles. I’m going to adjust the thermostat.
ME: You touch that thermostat cowboy and I swear I’ll punch you in your throat!
‘Til next Sunday y’all- Tammy