Cowboy yells, “hold your stance, here come the mamas”
What do you mean the mamas?! I thought we were finished pinning? Oh my lord, the dust was flying! They came alright… it was a stampede of angry mama cows! They were mad and running as fast as they could to protect their babies! Who’s idea was this?! This is going to be a disaster! Cowboy yells for me to wave my arms. I wave them so fast it’s a miracle that I didn’t take flight! But the arm waving wasn’t helping me in my current situation, so I began to jump up and down…and yell…and wave AND nothing helped! Those mamas kept coming my way as if this branding thing was my idea. So I did the only thing a pretend cowgirl could do… MOVE and move fast! Just in the knick of time too! That herd of mean mamas ran past me and straight for the forbidden fence, kicking mud up everywhere!
Cowboy ran to where I was and I said to him, “I’m sorry, I’m not very good at this stuff”! He looked at me, chuckled and said, “No you’re not, but you looked really cute dancing around like you stepped on a fire ant mound.”
ME: How do we get those mamas back?
COWBOY: They’ll come back when they’re hungry.
ME: Well, they’re not very good mothers if they’ll go off and abandon their babies!
COWBOY: (Chuckling) Let’s go and brand the calves.
So off we go to start the branding process. We get to the pens and Cowboy tells me the plan. He will separate the calves and run them through the chute one at a time. Once they get in the shoot, I’m supposed to close the whatchama call it, he’ll brand them, and I’m to open the whatchama call it to let them out.
Sounds like a good plan and pretty simple, right? Umm, NO.
Let’s ponder this a minute… let’s pretend that we’re a calf: you want me to go in this chute that squeezes me and then you’re going to put a really, REALLY HOT, iron on my hide to put your brand on me? NO THANKS! And just for attempting to do that to me, I’m going to poop all over the person that is closing the whatchama call it!!
Back to the human version of this story:
Cowboy, of course, did everything just as he said he would do (he’s such a man of his word). And then there’s me…remember how I told you it was a cold November day? My hands were so cold that I could not open the darn latch to the whatchama call it. The calves were backing up and Cowboy had to step in and fix the situation (as usual). He tells me that if they’re being stubborn, I should slap them on the butt. He demonstrates and sure enough the calf does what it’s supposed to do. So now it’s my turn; he gets them in the chute, I close the thingy, he brands them, I open the thingy to let them out…easy peasy. We do three in a row, no problem. And then comes the 4th one, that calf tries to turn AROUND in the chute! Cowboy says, “slap his butt”! So I start slapping, and the calf starts pooping! It’s green, runny and smells and it’s all over me! Have you ever been pooped on by a cow? Not a pretty sight! I thought to myself, me and my big mouth! I should just leave well enough alone and let him ask others to help him! That’s the last time I complain about not being Cowboy’s first choice in a helper. And just as I finish my thought, I see our neighbor heading our way (my hero for the day). He says, “Ya’ll need some help?” I say “Yes! Tag you’re it”!
Thank ya Jesus I can only pretend to be a cowgirl for so long.
‘Til next Sunday!