The other day I came home and saw Cowboy in Lolita’s arms. And, it was 2:00 in the afternoon. What….is….going….on?!
My wifely instincts were on full alert.
ME: (Pouncing on Cowboy and interrupting his time with Lolita, his recliner) What are you doing? What’s wrong? Why are you in the house so early?
COWBOY: (Looking at me as if I’m annoying him while he’s coughing and sneezing) I’m trying to take a nap.
ME: (Grabbing a notepad and pen and sitting cross-legged on the couch) What are your symptoms?
COWBOY: (Looking even more annoyed at me) What? I’m just tired and I have a headache.
ME: Umm humm. And it’s 2:00 in the afternoon. You’re sick and you have something really bad.
Clearing my throat and pretending to write again…
ME: Anything else?
COWBOY: (Unwrapping himself from Lolita and leaving the room) I just need a nap. I’ve been cutting cedars in the pasture and I think it’s gotten the best of me.
ME: (Running up behind him with my notepad in the air) Wait, where are you going? I’m not finished diagnosing you.
COWBOY: Yep, nurse Tammy, you’re done.
ME: (Stepping in front of him and clearing my throat) That’s Dr. Tammy and I think you have the “cova cooties”.
COWBOY: (Stopping and waving his hand over his body) Do you see this body? This is the body of a stud. Studs don’t get covid.
ME: (Dropping my head in my hands) Oh brother. I’ll run grab a test.
COWBOY: I’m telling ya, it’s a waste of time.
ME: You’re taking one anyway Mr. Stud.
Later in the day-
ME: (Singing loudly as I enter the house with a pharmacy bag) Oh Cowboyyyy. It’s time for your little test.
COWBOY: I’m in the living room.
ME: Okay Studmuffin… come and take your test.
COWBOY: (Reluctantly he comes into the kitchen) I told you this is a total waste of time.
ME: Humor me.
Fifteen minutes later we both look at the tester. Two lines appear.
ME: I knew it. You have the cova cooties!
COWBOY: It’s a false positive.
I take out my phone, take a picture of the tester and I send it to Boy Wonder. I then call him and put it on speaker.
ME: Hi honey, I just made your dad take a covid test. Did you get the picture I just sent you?
BOY WONDER: Yes maam.
ME: (Adjusting the phone so it’s closer to Cowboy’s ear) And what does it say?
BOY WONDER: Welp… Dad is either pregnant or he has the rona.
I turn to Cowboy and stick my tongue out at him as I say my goodbye to Boy Wonder.
ME: (Looking at him sternly) You have cooties so I’ll need you to quarantine on the other end of the house…pronto.
COWBOY: (Shaking his head no) and saying “I told you almost thirty five years ago that I would never leave our bed no matter what. And that goes for the cova cooties too”.
He then asked who are you calling now?
ME: Your momma. She needs to come and fix this situation.
’til next Sunday y’all. ๐๐ธ, ๐ฃ๐ช๐ถ๐ถ๐ โฅ
P.S. By the time I published this story, Cowboy has completely recovered and is out chasing his cows!
