Disclaimer- This story may contain too much information and may excite judgement against me. If this is the case then you should politely and quickly hit the exit button.
Y’all know that I am a ginormous fan of dermatologists. In my eyes they rank right up there with God…okay, maybe not God because he is in a league of his own. So I’ll start with Cowboy, my amazing children, my family, my fur babies and of course…my cheetah print. It was a coin toss between Cowboy and my cheetah print. JUST KIDDING COWBOY…you know you’re my main man and I couldn’t do life without ya. (insert heart emoji here).
Anyhoo, back to the dermatologist, it’s VERY important that you visit one on a yearly basis. One never knows when barnacles (thank you Debbie for that description of things that attach themselves to our skin) will pop up. They come out of nowhere and we always want to be on the safe side of those pesky creatures! My advice is to have a one on one relationship with your derm just as you do the man above because they both can save your life. And, I’ve got the best female derm EVER! She is so personable. I refer everyone to her!
As I’m sitting in the dermatologist’s office waiting for my appointment (I am a “practice what you preach” kind of gal), the sweet little receptionist walks towards me to say that she (my doctor) has been called away so Dr. Mark was going to be seeing me today. Umm, ok?
ME: Excuse me miss receptionist but the area that I need to be checked is kind of umm…private.
SWEET RECEPTIONIST: That will be no problem Mrs. Gilbert. You are in good hands and our nurse will be with you at all times.
Well that’s just dandy…ugh.
NURSE: Mrs. Gilbert, are you ready?
ME: Ready as I’ll ever be for this.
She takes me to my room and has me sit on the exam table while she takes notes.
NURSE: So what brings you in today?
ME: I have a small mole on my right cheek that has gotten a little larger.
She walks over to me and turns my face to the left to look at my right cheek.
NURSE: I’m not seeing anything.
ME: That’s because it’s not that right cheek. (I point to my bottom).
NURSE: Oh. Well in that case I’ll need you to change into this robe.
ME: This is a robe? It’s made out of paper. What can this possibly cover? It’s a good thing my bra and panties match.
NURSE: Speaking of those panties, you’ll need to remove them.
For the love of God…could this get any worse?!
Dr. Mark comes in and I tell him my concern. He checks my mole and says that it’s fine and nothing to worry about. I’m thinking, that wasn’t too bad.
The doctor exits the room and the nurse turns to follow him and stops to look at me-
NURSE: You might want to have your husband tweeze the black hair that is growing out of your mole.
OH MY GOD!!! She did NOT just say that to me!! I AM MORTIFIED!!
Later that day, I walk into the house I find Cowboy sitting in the living room.
ME: Can you please follow me into the bathroom?
COWBOY: For what?
ME: Just come here and bring your glasses!
We’re both in the bathroom-
ME: Put your glasses on and look at this! (I point to my right butt cheek)
COWBOY: If you’re talking about that hair coming out of your mole, I don’t need my glasses to see it. It’s pretty long.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!
’til next Sunday y’all- Tammy
