Cowboy asked me the other day why my fuse has been a little short lately. Well, I’ll tell ya why… it’s called hormones. Or, more specifically…out of whack hormones. We women know that you DO NOT mess with us when our hormones aren’t right. That’s just all kinds of wrong.
COWBOY: (Speaking to me as if he’s walking on eggshells) I thought you took medicine for that?
ME: (Looking at him as if I could chop him up any minute and spread his body parts all over Texas and maybe Mexico) Yes, yes I do, but for some reason the pharmacy is still waiting on authorization from my doctor to refill my flipping prescription. Ugh!
COWBOY: You might want to get that straightened out before our Thanksgiving company arrives. You’re not very fun to be around.
ME: Yes, for the sake of your well being I probably should.
The next morning after patiently waiting for the clock to strike 8:00, I speed dialed my doctor.
ME: Hi, it’s Tammy Gilbert, I’ve been trying for three days to get my prescription filled but the pharmacy says that they are waiting on your office to fax over the authorization. Can we get that taken care of today?
DOCTOR: Let me check on something…Mrs. Gilbert, we haven’t received anything from the pharmacy. How long have you been without the meds?
ME: Today is day four and I’m about ready to hurt someone. I’ve decided that my husband is first on the list.
DOCTOR: (laughing) Ok, no problem. For the sake of your husband, I’ll handle this myself. It should be ready to pick up at your pharmacy after 3:00 today. (I love this woman) (insert heart emoji).
At 3:05 I pull up to the drive-thru window at XYZ pharmacy (on the corner of happy and healthy).
20 YEAR OLD PHARMACY TECH: Hi Mrs. Gilbert, hold on one minute and let me check to see if your doctor faxed over the authorization yet.
ME: I spoke with her this morning and she said she would handle it personally, so I’m sure it’s there.
20 YEAR OLD PHARMACY TECH: No, it hasn’t arrived yet.
ME: (Fake smiling) Listen, I’m sure you and your 20 year old hormones have no idea what my 51 year old hormones are going thru but I’m going to need you to recheck AGAIN. It’s been four days without my hormone pills and I’m becoming quite desperate. Can you give me a few loaners to combat my hot flashes and mood swings?
20 YEAR OLD PHARMACY TECH: Oh I’m sorry but we can’t do that.
ME: Have you ever had a hot flash little girl? I’m guessing no because if you had, you would understand how serious this situation is becoming.
20 YEAR OLD PHARMACY TECH: (Looking wide-eyed) Let me recheck for you.
ME: (Still fake smiling) Yes, you do that.
20 YEAR OLD PHARMACY TECH: Good news, we did receive the authorization, however, we are out of the meds. But, we should have more in tomorrow.
ME: Sweet Jesus. What time?
20 YEAR OLD PHARMACY TECH: You can come anytime after 5:00.
I promptly leave work at 4:59 and head to the corner of “not so happy, and about to be unhealthy”. On my two minute drive there I call Cowboy.
ME: In case we need it, do you have bail money?
COWBOY: (Chuckling) Why? What happened?
ME: I’m going to the pharmacy and I am NOT leaving until they give me those darn hormone pills. I don’t care who they belong to but they’re coming home with me. So be prepared to bail me out.
I pull in to the pharmacy parking lot, park and head inside. It’s best this way, just in case the conversation goes south.
ME: (Standing at the pick-up counter) Hi, I’m back and ready to pick up my prescription.
SAME 20 YEAR OLD PHARMACY TECH: Oh, hi again. We still don’t have what you need in stock but let me give you some loaner pills.
Oh. My. Lord. I’m about to poke her in the eyeball.
Could she not have given me those suckers FIVE DAYS AGO?
’til next Sunday y’all- 𝔁𝓸, 𝓣𝓪𝓶𝓶𝔂 ❥