Why is it that when I’m trying to do something nice, I always get myself into a pickle? Why can’t things go as smoothly as I envision them in my head?
Last Sunday I mentioned that I may have gotten myself stuck on the roof. And, it may have not been my first time doing it.
How did this happen you ask? Well, I decided it was easier for me to clean the gutters instead of asking Cowboy to do it, especially since he’s so busy counting his cows.
So, after I got the last of the leaves out of the gutters, I noticed that there was a pile of them on the roof. I stretched as far as I could but they were out of my reach. No problem, I’ll just hop onto the roof and grab those pesky leaves. No problem at all… until I realized that as I was making my way back down the roof, the distance from the roof to the ladder was a smidge more than I originally thought. Why is it that going up a ladder is so much easier than coming down?
It was that moment that it dawned on me that I was in big trouble. Ginormous trouble would be a better way to say it. I pictured myself dangling for hours until someone or something came to my rescue. A person, a cow or a flying dragon would be much appreciated right about now.
Again? This was seriously happening to me again? I decided that I got myself into this hot mess so I needed to get myself out of it. But it was proving to be a smidge harder than I hoped. I turned this way and that way but I could not convince myself to put one foot on the darn ladder and the slippery tin roof was not helping the situation either. Why can’t I just listen to Cowboy? He told me not to clean the gutters…but I didn’t listen.
Welp, it was time to gather the troops (me, myself and I) and become one with my inner Lindsay Wagner. Channeling my Bionic Woman capabilities was the only way out of my current predicament. So, I began to hum the theme song and make slow (bionic) movements. Nothing. Nothing helped me to get down from the roof.
Not gonna happen. I could not convince me, myself or I to do it much less Bionic Woman. Ok Tammy, it’s just one step, you can do this!
NOPE. I can’t. It was time to call in reinforcements…
ME: (Yelling as loud as I could) COWBOY !! I need help!
COWBOY: (Chuckling) Why are you yelling? I’ve been watching you the whole time.
ME: What?! Then why didn’t you tell me it was a bad idea? You know I’m afraid of heights.
COWBOY: (As he is carrying a taller ladder to where I am) I believe I did tell ya but I learned a long time ago that there is no talking you out of things. I’ll just wait and rescue you like I always do.
ME: Speaking of rescuing me? Can you just come up here and get me down already?
He climbs up the ladder and tells me to turn around and put one foot on the step. He grabs my leg and tells me not to look down.
ME: (I look down) Oh my lord! I think I’ll just stay up here forever. Just toss me some food every now and then. Bring me my cheetah print pajamas. Tell the kids I love them. And don’t forget to feed Sophie Sue.
COWBOY: Stop being dramatic and do as I say. Just like you did the last time you got stuck on a roof.
ME: What? Why would you say that? I’m never dramatic. And if I remember right, you’re not the one who rescued me the last time this happened. It was Boy Wonder (but that’s another story).
Cowboy guides me from the roof to the ladder to the ground. Making sure I’m completely safe before he lets go of me.
COWBOY: Okay Miss Never Dramatic. Now that you’re down from the roof and on the ground safely, I’ll be leaving you to think of something else that you need rescuing from.
ME: I have two words for ya.
ME: Thanks and Pfft.
‘Til next Sunday y’all- 𝔁𝓸, 𝓣𝓪𝓶𝓶𝔂 ❥