Have you ever been deer hunting?
Most of you men probably have. And those of you women that have and actually enjoyed it… yay you. Way to overachieve and make the rest of us stiletto wearing gals look bad!
Let’s just think about this for a minute:
You want me to get in a deer stand (which is primarily for sitting) when it’s freezing cold and look for deer so you can shoot it? Ok, no problem. If that’s how Cowboy wants to bond during our quality time, I’ll give it a try-
COWBOY: We’ll need to get an early start if we want to be in the stand before the deer start moving.
ME: No problem, what time should I be ready?
COWBOY: By 5:00.
ME: Okay, that gives me time to run some errands before we go.
COWBOY: That’s 5:00 a.m.
ME: Five o’clock A.M.?! Sweet Jesus. We better do some serious bonding if I’m waking up that early!
ME: I’m ready and right on time! I bet you didn’t think I could shower and not be late did ya?
COWBOY: It’s 5:15 so you are late and what is that smell? Are you wearing perfume?
ME: Do you like it? It’s my new winter scent. It came in a shower gel too!
COWBOY: It’s time you had a lesson in Deer hunting 101. You’re going to need to take another shower and wash that off. The deer will smell you a mile away.
ME: That’s a bad thing? What am I supposed to smell like? Can you just tell me where I can buy a book that explains all of this stuff. I’ll have it fedexed to me asap!
COWBOY: Deer hunting with you is going to be an adventure (chuckling). And don’t wear hairspray either!
I’m beginning to rethink the whole bonding in a deer stand idea. But I’m determined to see it thru. We load up in the truck and head out. Thirty minutes later we arrive at the deer stand where you sit (and not stand). Just as we start to go up the ladder, I tell him I need to visit the ladies room. He looked at me and asked why I didn’t take care of that before we left. I told him I didn’t have the need to. Jeez, I’m not a child. He reaches in the truck to pull out a roll of toilet paper and hands it to me. I hand it right back to him and said I’ll wait.
Cowboy gets the gun, himself and me situated in an area as big as a bathroom stall. Which is only encouraging my thought of how much I really do need to use the restroom. He tells me to try and not move real fast or it will scare the deer away. I began to do movements like Lindsay Wagner from the Bionic Woman AND I did the sound effects too (I’m pretty good at it seeing as how that was one of my favorite shows). Cowboy was not impressed so I stopped. I tried multiple times to start a conversation with him but he just ignored me. This whole deer stand/sit bonding session is not working out like I envisioned. So I tapped him on the shoulder and whispered to him “How much longer until Bambi comes out”? It seemed as though we had been in the stand for hours. He said as much as I’m talking and moving around we probably won’t see anything. Cowboy loaded everything up (including me) and back to the house we went.
ME: That felt like 2 hours! We barely spoke to each other.
COWBOY: My kind of conversation and it’s 6:30 so you do the math. Want to try it again some time?
ME: Umm, no thank you. I’ll stick with my perfume, shower gel and stilettos.
COWBOY: That’s what I thought (chuckling).
’til next Sunday y’all- Tammy